Can't Get To The Other World

alone.

2009-04-06T03:08:00.000-07:00

sometimes, it takes a while to recover from something. recover from shock and all that. when you can't recover from giving up, what can you do? I've already given up. I've raised my white flag, defeatedly. I am weak. Nobody understands that. my body is weak, my mind is weak, my spirit is weak. what more can i do? Nobody believes in me anymore. I don't wanna believe anymore. I am so weak. why? I always ask myself why? My dreams all flew away when I realized that I can never turn back time. sometimes i regret what i did, a LOT of things. going to Japan, meeting new people...only to forget. what am i? what do i live for when i can't even muster the strength to live for myself? why do everyone think i'm strong? i am already defeated even by one embarassment. don't expect me to stand up on my own. I am too afraid. I am becoming afraid to trust anyone. who can i trust anymore to listen to my thoughts anymore? no one. because of that, i am slowly disappearing. i have no more thoughts, not even shallow ones. i crushed my dreams because i don't wanna dream anymore. I know it won't be realized. If only i can take my own life, it'd be great...because no one wants me alive anymore. even i don't want to. i rather do nothing. sleep all day long, wondering when it'll be forever. I wanna write but i can't, i wanna sing but my voice sounds so strained with hopelessness. i am hopeless. don't try to help me anymore, i won't listen. it'll only be forgotten. I wanna close my eyes. because i can't find anything to live for. i don't even like myself. my smile can be fake but i can never fake my tears. i've given up my hope for anything, any miracle to happen. how can i trust humans? when they can betray you? ignore you when you needed them the most? people keep on saying i'm wasting my brain away and i know i am. i can barely think now. i can barely talk. i could only mumble, murmur. teachers could betray you too, friends...even family. sometimes i just wish i'm a rock. people wouldn't care about me. i don't care. i don't care. i don't care. just...let me be. don't care for me, i don't need it anymore. don't. don't even look at me. i am hopeless. no matter what you say, no. i would rather be locked up at an asylum. in a way, i am crazy. because i am crazy. leave me alone. if you can cry with me, that's great. when you yourself think your a hopeless case, what more can you hope for? i hope for nothing.

Not anymore.

I'm tired...

2009-02-22T08:32:00.000-08:00

I'm tired of everything, i need a long rest. seriously. somebody, help me.

i wanna quite school. please let me do that.

please?

My band, RoZ

2009-02-03T23:45:00.000-08:00

I decided to write on something important to me; the band i left in Japan. We only did three lives, well, the first one we were only known as 'Nisa Band' but i decided to recruit my own line up which consists of Watanabe-kun (Wata Ame "Cotton Candy"), Yoshino-kun (Gintoki), Yuki-chan (Sawata), Ririka-chan (Riri), Hirai-kun (Aitsu lol) and me, Nisa (Rei) and be known as RoZ (Rei 0 Zero), a visual kei band. Well, sadly, only me, the vocals do the whole costume act though. Well, anyway, it was fun performing with them since they're all weird.

i would have liked to post picture but sadly i have none.

We perfromed four songs in our entire journey as a band:

1) goodbye days (YUI)

2) JEWELS (alicenine.)

3) Kuroge Wagyuu Joshio Tanyaki 680 yen (Otsuka Ai)

4) Blue Planet (alicenine.)

and since we performed TWO alicenine. songs, lets put their picture up!!! (Finds an excuse to promote the band)

The Return of Princess Nisah

2009-02-03T23:35:00.000-08:00

hey there, i am BACK! it's been a long time since i blogged and well, i forgot how to do it. i'll just say that next time, i'll write a longer post, okay? this is just too short so i'll post a random pic.

He is oh so cute....i'm in love. seriously.

Hey Hey

2008-04-08T01:49:00.000-07:00

It`s pretty cold here right now. I went to school yesterday. I wore a short skirt but damn, i think i look like Nobuta from Nobuta wo Produce!!! Imagine that! I was walking like her too. Well, everyone is so nice so far but the heavily disciplined teacher did SCREAM during the opening ceremony. I was terrified.

As you all may see, i don`t update often since i came here. not my fault. yeah. It`s so cold right now and i just finished reading a very interesting book. Angel Cafe. You should read it too. it`s VERY interesting. i like Stephen a LOT. He`s such a jerk.

Marry me?

2008-03-13T03:40:00.000-07:00

Aih. You know? Today was crazy and hot as hell. I proposed everyone. It was weird (but fun for me!) and i freaked this one guy very much. Lol. I kept saying things like 'how dare u talk to someone else?! We're getting married tomorrow!' or 'marriage is like a kiss and divorce is like smex'...you get how high i was. It was fun. Really fun and hot. It was hot. Very hot. I tried not to jump and roll around.

Anyway, i was videotaping the school but hell. Everything was gone. Overwritten? Not quite. So on Sat, i'm gonna try again. If it still fails, i'm gonna scream.

Yes, i'm a clone of Nisah. I am Froggy. My world views marriage as a date. You can marry a max of 10 people, unless you have less or extra fingers.

4 more days before Japan...woo!

naruto vaining session. love it.

2008-02-19T03:36:00.000-08:00

Boredom got the best of me so i took some random pics of me using a naruto headband. yes, NARUTO. I named myself Akino Harumi (lit: Autumn Spring Fruit) and i work for the Akatsuki despite the Konoha headband. Sigh. The one i worked for died so i work with Sai no. Sasori, i know you're out there!!!!

I edited it, duh. I took it before i took a shower coz my hair was cool.

Together...

2008-01-31T01:44:00.000-08:00

I teared up watching Together When...'s PV! I can't believe it, uwaah! Anyway, I'm sick today, finally blown the fuse. Still can't believe i got sick though. It's been bothering me for two days.

Well, i finally modified my simple blog a bit. Even for just a bit, I've improved it. It's a bit somber and calm now. I changed the title too, 'Can't Get To The Other World' implies how i tried suicide over and over yet i could not die. The continuation to the title would be that '...With My Incomplete Wings'. I can't believe i can be very deep. I'm still planning my stories that i would like to publish one day. I'm still working on 'Incomplete Wings' and its plot.

I should be able to write my fanfics soon but yeah, here goes my results:

English and E.Lit: A1s baby!
Art: A2
Malay: B3
Bio: B4
Chem: C5
Phys and Maths: C6
A.Maths: Ungraded...lol

Anyway, yeah.

Die with incomplete wings?

2008-01-30T06:30:00.001-08:00

I took the career test thing. Got Artistic, duh. Now, the main problem: dad somehow thinks that it is a sport to make me hate him. Seriously.

Okay, he told me to reconsider my trip to Japan AGAIN after i gave him a straight answer. Okay, so doesn't that mean whatever i choose is still not MY choice?!

I complained to my sis. She agreed that my dad doesn't even want me to go. It's a choice, no, wait - there is NO choice.

I told him i decided to continue my education elsewhere and drop science subjects to concentrate on my artistic side and what? "Think about it, it's YOUR life, YOUR loss" he said.

Dad, i love you but i hate you too. But somehow, hate is 80% now. What type of person DOES that?! 'Think bout it, long and hard and do what's right', haha. LIAR. You still want me to think bout it. Okay, i will tell you the answer next year.

I am and i will go to Japan. Sayonara. Bye bye forever.

Should I?

2008-01-27T21:25:00.000-08:00

Okay, great. I passed my exams, got 8'O's and yeah i'm happy. I made my family proud. I'm happy for myself...

...but dad, you're depriving me of my happiness AGAIN.

I wanna go to Japan. I wanna go there. Let me, please. I beg you. Don't make me lose it like last year...please.

Lacrimosa

2008-01-24T04:05:00.001-08:00

Yesterday, i finally cut my hair. It's shorter than what i intended though. It's a slash between Haruhi/Maki/Hikki/Ayumi. Sadly i don't look manly. Lol. It's a 'smiling' haircut, where it's better if you smile than frown. It's easier to take care of i guess.

Anyway, today, CCA, Music Club. There're good times but...quite dominating. I'm in the vocal part of the club of course. Seriously, let us sing Oldies! It's easier and prettier! C'mon, Fly Me to the Moon?! I sang that for audition! And also, Close to You? Moon River? Start with basics first lah! That's for acoustic! I'll convert you people to Oldies, just wait! Hmph!

Still, love your vocals though!

I'm dead

2008-01-20T01:01:00.000-08:00

It's true. I cut my hair that symbolizes my life. It's uneven now and my hair is still on the floor. It's something a coward like me does. Wanting to die but unable to kill myself...i do feel empty now. The weight of my hair lessened...it frees me. I used my hair to spell 'DEATH REST'...like using blood to write your suicide note. There's something fulfilling when you severed your hair in front of the mirror.

I look like an insane person now. I am insane. I can't smile...how could they still hurt me with words? Am i not immune yet? Eh? There's blood on my stomach...

New Year Gift!

2008-01-02T05:00:00.000-08:00

Click on the links!!!

My cover of Koe (Amano Tsukiko)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VFFQWJ4HJZU

Curse of the Fading Tears OST

http://www.yousendit.com/transfer.php?action=download&ufid=3732D4E2272DFFA9

Do enjoy it. Happy New Year!! (A bit too belated...)

Been a while...

2007-12-18T18:09:00.000-08:00

I'm a lazy frog. Yeah. Anyway, i've been busy with chores...laundry and the like. However i do enjoy cooking. For myself. Haha.

I made bread, pasta, pancakes, chicken, dessert...it all added up with extra KGs. I noticed that i'm getting better and better with cooking. Even my cousins think so! I kept pestering them to say the truth...

Gtg, japanese lesson.

Yes, this is my bra..

2007-12-07T06:51:00.001-08:00

Got my Bird Flu shot today. Wrong move to wear that blouse. Had to sorta strip, haha. I need a new bra, really...and a plastic surgery. Come on! I know i'm tall but seriously, do i look older than my sisters?! I should keep on smiling to look young.

Hikki-chan, i can't wait for your new single! HEART STATION/Stay Gold sounds like an awesome double A-side! Your star must be shining so bright right now!

...i just noticed how creepy this book i'm looking at...

...listening to Final Distance doesn't help.

I wonder if i'd be able to find love. I'm writing bittersweet songs but that doesn't mean that i've experienced love first hand. The crush i had on Ryuu developed into love before turning to extreme hate and then to just wishing for the best...sigh. I think i still like him. Maybe.

I will not...

2007-11-30T03:12:00.000-08:00

...forgive those who make me cry more than once. That includes you, dad. And mum. And brat. And auntie. And myself.

Am i just really a puppet or trash?! Just because i'm a lazy ass doesn't make me less of a human! I don't live just for the sake of living! I'm already dead because of you people! You want an empty shell like ME change?! Why can't you accept me for who i am? I know i don't deserve to be in MS, you guys don't have to slap me with that every time we disagree! Why can't i stand on what i think is right?! If we are not allowed to make our own choices than we ARE puppets. I'm human, i can cry, i can get sick, i can lose blood, i can DIE! If you so don't want me to tarnish the family name then just get rid of me! Just burn down my room, my not so much clothes, my books, my cds, Hotaru and everything! Just kill me in my sleep! Just let me BE! You people don't want me to be myself, you guys can't force me to do what i don't want to do! I've showed no interest in studying since i was small! Can you guys not learn from the past?! I'm only human! Only human! I can't be someone i'm not! I'm not an actress, this is life! Let me live it! Wth do you guys want me to do? Kill you people?! I WILL! I WILL!

You people are always one sided! You guys never see past me! It's ME to blame! It's ME to torture! It's ME to lecture! Gang up on me! You people abuse me! Asking me to become the amah of the house while the amah herself ask me to do the job too! Every time IT'S ME, ME AND OH YEAH, ME! Wth is wrong with me?! Huh?! Do you think you people are perfect?! I'm just a 16 year old girl without dreams anymore! SHUT UP!

Makeovers..

2007-11-27T03:06:00.000-08:00

This blog and moi needs a makeover! I love my bangs but gawd, my thick hair is HARD to take care of! It's like waterproof and when you try to force your fingers through it, you go on screaming.

This is what i basically do when i take a shower (before and after too):

Firstly, i play loud music, J-rock preferably (fave: JEWELS by alice nine.). And then, i daydream or surf like what i'm doing now. After that, i get naked. Haha. Wrap myself with a towel and complain how fat i am. Sheesh.

In the bathroom, i read books or fics. Done with that, i exit the place and remove my specs. In i go again.

Check how hot the water is. Acceptable temperature. Shower. Sing. Talk to myself. Imagine someone's watching from the windows. Shrug. Wash up. Think of random lyrics. Got a good one, leave bathroom to record with mobile. Get back inside. Continue singing opera. Think of stories. Haha. Yes, dear fanfic readers, all those fics were born in the toilet. I'm so proud. Done with that, exit and stop putting JEWELS on repeat.

Still wearing towel, i relax on my bed and write lyrics and daydream. When i sneeze, it's time to brush my teeth. Get dressed and daydream more. Sometimes people just knock at my door while i'm still in the state of undress. I don't like being naked but i technically wasn't so hey. After that i look at myself in the mirror.

Done with that, all my dirty clothes go for laundry. Then i go hang out.

I should change my showering habits. Maybe today i'll listen to 'Fukai no Yami'...

So darn tired..

2007-11-25T18:53:00.000-08:00

I have no more school. However, i had to wake up early today and visit a lot of places. Right now, i'm at the Embassy of Philippines. After this, we're going to the Japanese Embassy and then to my school. Everything for the purpose of dropping in some documents. Papers! My legs are giving in. I just wanna sleep. I'm tired.

And the worst thing is, the video i uploaded wasn't uploaded! F**k!

Goodbye

2007-11-22T19:19:00.001-08:00

Yesterday, my dear grandfather passed away. I am sad but somehow, you can say it is a relief to know he is not in pain anymore. I think the saddest thing for me was to watch my father cry. My father lost his father. It's a sad thing to watch a lot of people cry. Since i'm such a sensitive girl, i cried a LOT.

Today, we (not actually me) bathed him, i read prayers and kissed his forehead (although i don't think it was done very nicely due to me crying) and made sure no tear fell. And then, they took him away to be buried close to a mosque.

Goodbye, grandpa.

And btw, i found it rude that some people laughed at me crying last night. It was rude. And cruel. How could they?! That's inhumane. I wish they'd just...disappear.

I remember, on the way to see him yesterday, i was walking next to my father. When he called my brother and choked when he said that my grandpa passed away, i grabbed his thumb and held it tight. It was sad.

Never Again

2007-11-20T17:58:00.001-08:00

I will never sing solo again after what happened yesterday! Well...it was just an overnight's notice so that might be the reason BUT! I'm so embarassed. So, so embarassed. I forgot one friggin line. I sucked during the chorus and i have the video. Go figure. Well, it's still brave of me though. Haha. Beautiful World is hard.

Anyway, yesterday was uber fun other than my huge embarassment. The Ambassador of Japan is really friendly and so are the staffmembers. Me and Maj sat at the table with our school principal, the ambassador, Nitta-sensei, a very kind and beautiful lady (gomen, we didn't catch your name!), Ogihara-san and a three Lvl 1s. We talked about my future trip (which is on the 19th of March, a day before my birthday!) and what my problems were. We had sushi and sorts. Sushi. SUSHI! Kyah! It was delish. Hope i can eat it more next time. Haha.

Japanese people ARE friendly and funny. Did i mention how beautifully Japanese the place was? Kyaah! It's even on top of a hill.

Anyway, it was really enjoyable. I can't wait to go to Japan now!

Blood? Throat?

2007-11-19T07:05:00.000-08:00

Argh! I can't do this anymore! I just can't! My throat hurts like hell! I need back up! Back up! Or i might lose my voice. I'm afraid it'll bleed like before! I have to control my voice projection or i'll die. Beautiful World is not easy. The karaoke needs the back up layers like what Hikki did in Mste! No! I have to sing this song as a challenge! Yeah!

Overnight practice only. If i can do this, then i'm ready. Ready for anything!

Maybe i should sing Houki Boshi. Or Renai Shashin. Haha.

I have lots of work to finish.

Disaster and A Fallen Chicken

2007-11-08T03:47:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, i did a pretty bad dessert. it was abysmal to say the least. Abysmal like hell. Then, the electricity went out. Kaput. Okay, so the dessert died because it did set...not that it needed to though. it was lumpy and porridge-y and it was a result of putting everything in. It was BAD but edible still.

However, i made something far from BAD or tasteless today. I don't know what to call it but let's say it's 'Herbs and Tomato Chicken Breasts'...nice. Or just 'Nurul's Chicks'.

Here's the recipe:

'Herbs and Tomato Chicken Breasts'

chicken breast
1/2 tbsp of salt (on each side of the breasts)
1/2 tbsp of oregano
A pinch of thyme
A pinch of dried rosemary leaves
A pinch of black pepper
Butter
Olive Oil
Four cherry tomatoes (halved)

Place the breasts on a suitable piece of tin foil. Rub the salt onto each side. Sprinkle some black pepper, oregano, thyme and rosemary on it. Then, place the tomatoes on strategically so it can be absorbed. Place small pieces of butter on top (around two) and 'bag' it. Leave an opening on the top and put around two tablespoons of olive oil and fold it tightly so that the oil won't escape like what i did...lol.

Put it on a (baking) tray and cook it into a preheated oven at about 200 degrees for around...10-15 minutes....? I'm not sure. Lol. Just followed my instincts.

Apparently, if you did everything right, it'll smell like mushrooms and beefsteak. Make sure you use the oil too because it's healthy (if it's olive oil).

I'll post the picture next time.

Hope you liked it.

Klutz

2007-11-05T06:39:00.000-08:00

Yes. That's what i am. A klutz. I hate exams to such a hellish level. I'm too much of a klutz to take exams. Even with brains...i can't do so well. Limitations, i guess.

I don't wanna go through them anymore...

Malay papers 1 & 2

2007-11-01T02:51:00.000-07:00

It was okay, actually it was 'better than i expected'. I was smiling when i looked at it, even though i didn't prepare for it much. It was easier than the June paper that we tried. Hopefully, what i did was sufficient enough to pass (amin~). I want an A for Malay although i did wth for my orals...haha. Dad patted my head when i said i did okay for the papers!

How could I be so!

2007-10-30T19:16:00.000-07:00

How could i forget my geometrical set on a Maths exam?! How could i?! I'm so careless! So so careless! Seriously, if i pass my maths (Ya Allah, tolonglah hamba!), i WILL fast for 3 days berturut2! Tolonglah! I'm so desperate to pass! I NEED to so my dad will stop smoking! Argh!

Phew!

2007-10-28T08:19:00.000-07:00

Wow. I nearly forgot my chem practicals entirely. In my head it's only 'maths D and then malay, you can rest'. Thank god for andy-san and suraya-san for chatting with me. Seriously. I dunno what to do if i were to miss that! Ugh, my eye. It looks like this now =...o. And if i were to be wide-eyed =...O. No difference. How cool. Haha. Dang it, i gotta sleep.

What I will miss doing...

2007-10-26T18:05:00.000-07:00

If i think about it, i'm gonna miss a lot of things! Foremost, it'll be the ability to use the internet every morning with my mobile. Secondly, writing my fanfics...oh my, what about that damn long fic, Curse? Argh! Thirdly, my messy haven, my room. Fourth, my helluva lot of CDs! Loud songs booming and also singing in the bathroom! Fifth, my books...my bed...my Hotaru! Kyaah! That's a LOT!

Second thoughts? NO! NO! NO!

I am Lady Macbeth, Blanche and Alice

2007-10-26T03:26:00.001-07:00

E.lit today, i dunno if i did okay but it was okay. Okay is the only comment i'll give. I also did my art sketch for tomorrow..which is a bit morbid to say the least. Neko advised me to change it although she liked it. I think teacher wouldn't be too keen with it but i am answering the question 'breakdown'. It could mean about buildings, mentally or even fats!

We'll see how it goes. It's my best work to date though.

I'm going to Excapade after this, to celebrate me parents' anniversary!

Japan? A dream? Not anymore...i think!

2007-10-25T03:28:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure how, but today, all 3 of us candidates (moi, Andy and Ayai (?)) are going to the land where the sun...something! I was so surprised! My mouth went like (oOo) 'uso! Wth! I'm going?!' woow!

Gonna go around march, during my birthday month...hm. Anyway, i've been told to not expect buying a LOT of things. I may only buy CDs. Haha. Baggage allowed is like 20-25 KG? Haha. And allowance...5000 yen a month. Not much, sorry. But i'm not a big spender!

Met a lot of nice people! Andy recognised me as 'the girl who sang during speech thing'! He was a candidate too! Ahaha!

I'm so psyched but...i won't get much internet time anymore. Uh oh. I hope i get Tokyo!

Kk, i'm gonna take a shower and study!

Cooking much?

2007-10-24T07:21:00.001-07:00

Yep.

I cooked some fish fillets yesterday. First time i touched a fish...meat. Was gooey. Had to defrost it. Took time so i prepared the lovely egg thin. Added oregano, salt, pepper and fish sauce. Didn't do much.

After that, i chopped the fillet. I didn't chop CHOP it. It's more like sawing it. Hah.

Then, i covered it with egg and bread crumbs. Had no flour sadly.

Fry.

Is that cooked yet? Gooey.

Done. I think.

Glomp.

Mazui.

Oh well, saved it for tomorrow/today.

Melted it with cheese on top and then serve with spaghetti sauce and the noodles! Yum. Bon appetit (?)!

Inspire

2007-10-24T07:01:00.001-07:00

Haha, title taken from Ayu's song. I think. Anyway, i ate a LOT today and i'm not surprised if i gained more weight! Haha. I regretted eating that fried fish and pray with me that what i thought i ate was it's gut and not other than that. Eww much. Eww. Eww. I wanna puke.

I'm gonna have my Phys practical and my JENESYS interview tomorrow. I just hope both goes well. I really do.

I don't know what to study. I'll just go for it. I'll study for E.lit tomorrow. Hm. I need to sketch my art too or i'm dead on Saturday.

Goodluck me!

Fallen

2007-10-22T23:06:00.000-07:00

Dramatic title. I'm talking random today. I had art exam today but unlike other students, i only had like less than 2 hrs to do mine which makes me a hero...ine. Okay. I had the last of medical check ups today, i think it went okay. I WAS surprised to know that my blood was 'B+' and not 'O' like everyone believed it to be. I also found that my chest x-ray was funny, something looked wrong. My boobs were still small though lol.

Talking about Bio practical...it was okay but wasn't so great. I could've done better, believe me. I was lost but i studied! It was easy but confusing! I didn't wanna make a mistake but i did in the end. It'll be a bit..low i guess. I'll work hard on the other papers!

I HATE 'poo n pee'. That's the thing where you're asked to deposit your droppings for lab testing...i love the blood test though. I also found out that i have NO antibodies whatsoever. Surprising truth to why i always get sick.

Furuba always make me cry like hell. Cheers.

the girl who does not know why things happen

2007-09-26T09:01:00.001-07:00

Once upon a time, there was a girl who did not like to smile and winces when she does. Amongst her three sisters, she was the odd one out. She faced an emotional breakdown at the early age of 7 and her parents did not know why. She used all means to have friends. Her family were not friends no matter how close they were. She knew she was such a spoiled emotional little girl, that was why she wanted to change. When she faced drastic changes of being accepted to a well-known school. A shell confined her for years. Her illness from her young age did not change. She still goes home regularly and misses school until her parents got sick of it. No one knows what her sickness was and it became worse. Some say it was all in her head. Some say she was just weird and will die soon. She smiles more and tells what she feels openly. She changed to everyone's dismay. She reverted back to her old self. No one knows what she really is. Some say her brain was possessed since she was born. She did not feel like she belonged anywhere in this world. Suicide attempts all failed just because she is afraid of cutting and stabbing herself. Over the course of her life, she observes her family to prove that she was part of them. She saw them as either genuinely nice or actually hypocrites. Associations, kissing asses, snapping at anyone...hypocrites. People think we are good people..we are not. Hypocrites. That's what defines my family now. Will continue to rant tomorrow.

Today...

2007-09-22T06:12:00.000-07:00

Okay, today was okay. I think it was fine. Physics teacher was quite approachable of late, English was fine, E.lit was...oh, we have an essay to finish. Chem was...i'm still slow. Maths was...boring. Chem again and i was itching to go to art and finish my print. It's nearly done but i was stressed. The red clashed with the purple!!!! GAHHH! THAT, i'm stressed out. I'm worried bout my orals on Monday since Maj said they did not care much. It's really sad to know that, sorry Maj!

.......I don't know what more to say.

here's a random lyrics i made today:

I don't hurt myself
I don't hurt myself
I don't hurt myself
I'm just living life
Watching through blood red eyes
I don't want to hurt you
So take this knife away
before i stab you
I want to stab you

Owari

Something I Just...

2007-09-21T07:10:00.001-07:00

I've been thinking about some things and did a list of people who matter a lot to me..or just matter matter. First off are my parents and family, of course. Well, who doesn't care about their family? I may be the least perfect daughter and sister, but i do care and wish only what's best for the family. I've observed that whenever a bad matter is thrown at us, i'm usually the one who breaks down into tears..or i'm just the problem. I hate this year but no attempt on suicide..yet. I guess it doesn't work on my family. Now, enter my friends..whom i love very much bcoz we go through similar things, i guess, amongst them all, my problem is less serious but i live in my own little world..which is a drama. You can say i'm dissatisfied with life..but i'm coping. This year is another year of..illness. I did not expect to be admitted to hospitals TWICE. When i was in RIPAS, it was one of the loneliest times ever. When i was in JPMC, my sis and maid stayed with me. In RIPAS, i got no one to talk to..other than chatting. I'm blessed, too blessed. Reality slapped me hard this year.

Is that me I see?

2007-09-19T07:13:00.000-07:00

...gah. I'm getting fatter. Help. I'm doing some exercise that's just flattening my stomach but doesn't work, i guess. I'll try running tomorrow, before breaking my fast. Just use the treadmill (?) and watch some channels about losing weight. A healthy body means a healthy brain..i think. I need to lose weight before exams...=~=" can i manage that? I hope so. I'm too tired..to do my work. Sigh.

Studying...

2007-09-18T04:14:00.000-07:00

I studied Bio today because i didn't go to school. Was fun. I guess i should have a study plan. Will do that soon. My aim is to study my sciences first, practice and NOT read maths and a.maths, read some lit books, read malay books, practice english, draw for art..and that's about it. I'm doing art most of the time..lol. Read bio the most, think positive things. That's all. Haven't been able to study a.maths though, other than READING it. ...why can't maths just be like..remembering things..? Hmph.

=w=*

2007-09-17T13:42:00.000-07:00

I'm bored. Maj, i don't think the latest chapter or the 2nd chap was told from Kyo's POV..I'll tell u tomorrow lah. And Hikari Mibu-chyan, i know you're not a basher, i too cause pain to even the chars i like but i'm no basher xDDDDD! Like Akira, for example, i don't hate him but i made him go through hell in LP and other fanfics...i dunno why. It's unlikely you will read this but wth. I'm bored. Peach. Peace.

In love with...

2007-09-17T04:09:00.000-07:00

My dreams are getting real..days pass by and i feel more intoxicated by fantasy...i can't think straight anymore. 'Jump down your school rooftop..', it says. My brain feels empty as i try to paste bits and pieces of my memories..to no avail. I can't differentiate between reality and fantasy anymore. My brain is freezing...help. Help me. I wanna meet both of the men i've met in my dreams..they felt real to me. They are. I wanna see them both.

Fasting = Chef-ing = KGs

2007-09-16T05:07:00.001-07:00

I haven't started fasting due to restrictions (periods, since the first day, woohoo) and i've been snacking a lot => stress = weight. Gasp. Anyway, i'll lose it soon, i hope. On Friday, i made some delicious triple choc cupcakes! Still have some in the fridge..but i must resist it. I ate nearly 20. Anyway, today i made lasagna, wasn't that perfect but it was a first and it's WAY tasty than pizza hut's! Tasty. I wanna give maj some but it's fasting month..lol. My homework is not done but i'll try and finish it! Lovely day eh? I think i gained 1 KG today.

Loving Lie

2007-05-30T20:13:00.000-07:00

Been a loooooooooooong time since i posted anything? Yep. Well, um, well, I dunno. Well, yesterday, Neko bit my shoulder, arm actually. Again. It hurts SOOOOOOOOOOOOO badly. I hate it. It hurts. ARGH!!!!!! It hurts. Meh....i dunno what to say.

Today, there's no water at home. I woke up from bad dreams for a while now.

Shit, I'm stumped.

So short!!!!

randomness...

2007-04-10T00:52:00.000-07:00

So...i made a blog for Yu...yeah, so? So...so...i dunno. I don't feel like blogging today.

Let's just talk about what happened on Saturday.

The only thing that'll come to my mind is...Neko. She BIT my ARM during art. It hurt, i screamed. Well, it's kinda my fault for singing the GAY song:

I'm gay, we're all gay
We're all gay, you're all gay
horay, horay
what're ya gonna say?
I know you're gay too inside
C'mon, come out of the closet
Don't be shy
We all have something to hide....

LOOOOL

I made that up. And btw, just because i wrote that doesn't mean i'm gay, okay?

I'm a bi.

LOOOOOOOOOOOOL.

I AM NOT COMING OUT OF THE CLOSET, i'm just hyper.

So, so, so hyper.

.....................bite me.

Crap, i'm too hyper to write anything meaningful here. Well, i'm all alone at my bro's house so...freaky.

tagged? maybe.

2007-03-28T06:40:00.000-07:00

Okay, unless Sir Bio calls someone else Froggy, it's gonna be me then.

Six WEIRD things? I dunno but here goes:

No 1: I think old men are hot...you know, not those old still young ones but OLD old. It's just plain weird and i think i'm a freak for doing so but what the hell, they're cuter than some boys i've met. White haired men are hot.

No 2: I close all doors that are open whenever i pass one of them, especially my big sister's coz she never closes her door tightly. I won't feel at ease when i see open doors.

No 3: I buy CDs even if i can easily download them. Well, most of them that is. I find it weird. I'm kinda possesive too.

No 4: I am far into the future. I think of working, getting married, having children almost every day. I also think of death all the time. I also am a sixth-sensed person, just a bit, just slight.

No 5: I can't live without writing at least something a day (writing as in lyrics or stories).

No 6: I think I was a frog in my past life. The Queen of Frogs who's afraid of real frogs.

Peace.

Touched

2007-02-18T23:19:00.000-08:00

Just bored so...here you go:

Opening my eyes
I noticed i've been hiding
All of my life
All the sweetness, so appealing
It's okay, really
When no one knows who you are

You and your hands
The way you touched me
It touched me
It touched me
It's so real
The way you see me is so not real
Only I know who you are

Looking back
The past seemed so faraway
Just holding my hands
It felt like a dream
But nothing matters
As long as i know
That dreams can be real
And you can be by my side...

You and your hands
The way you touched me
It touched me
It touched me
It's so real
The way you see me is so not real
Only I know who you are

The only regret i have
Is to not be by your side
On the day you died
I kinda felt that this is so wrong
So not right...
Whatever i feel, i feel now
Is just a second away
From your dream...

Just so you know...
I'm touched, I'm touched
I think I've fallen in love...
Just so you know...
I'm touched, I'm touched
With my hands...
I'll guide you through your ordeal...

You and your hands
The way you touched me
It touched me
It touched me
It's so real
The way you see me is so not real
Only I know who you are
That's why you can leave
Without regret

WHOOT! Whatever I write here is none of my business! AND dammit! I can't sing and walk right with my waist in pain....ARGH. My fever's back too...

I'm ALIVE! For reviewers!

2007-02-18T21:21:00.000-08:00

Here's the second bonus because i love you all and i'm still alive! It's not much but there're more bonus for Curse in it. Like three. Not much, yeah? I recorded the three Curses (LOOOL) during my sickly times but before i got admitted. It's not clear and dammit, i recorded it when i was crying like hell on Thursday....so yeah. I even took a pic of Mariya (or not...) with bloody eyes (or not...) but that'll be next time.

Here you go then:

http://download.yousendit.com/80CA48A12C269133

THe same rule applies here but anyone who didn't review can download it but make sure there's still soem left for my reviewers!!!

Content:

-Maiden of Tears Song
-Curse
-Closet Ghost
-Kaze no Machi e (by Mcube (that's what i call me!))

Hope you all enjoy it! It's not much...

A Night At JPMC

2007-02-18T20:26:00.000-08:00

As you all don't know, i was admitted at JPMC on Saturday because of severe gastritis. Yes, i was admitted because i lost too much water and blablabla because of severe vomitting (more than 15 times) and yesh, that's how i got into the pedriatric (watever) ward. Ward 3, to be exact. I'm still pretty much woozy and doozy (watever) and still very much weak but overall, i can still type.

There's also a lot i can write about what i feel during the sickly times. First, that's my first time admitted at a hospital...very much excited that i lost the sickness for a couple of minutes. Secondly, it's not as fun as i thought it was. I was IV-ed (i think that's what it's called) and i had to like...press this lil' red button to like call a nurse if i wanted to pee (yes, only pee because i can't...you know and i still can't right now). The nurses were nice, although i pity them because i'm pretty much a sad patient who cares too much about her sickness that it makes her sick.

Thirdly, i don't have much movement that it mademy waist PAINFUL (yes, so painful i have to like, lessen my movement right now). I pretty much forgot about whatever happened during my stay but i assure you, NOT FUN. There'd be consultants occassionally checking up on me (there's one time where there're 3!) and i think, yesh, a lot of nurses. I also got an ultrasound but i'm okay. I was asleep at that time (half-lidded). Well, since JPMC is a very um...high-profile place, and i wasn't really referred there...guess how much everything costs? I'll tell ya later.

Oh yes, about medicines. Most of them don't work very well on me and i was wailing. Thank goodness my sister was there. You know? I got shot at my butt, both cheeks and it hurts. The first one was bearable but the second one was OMFG!!! I was crying. I don't like pain, any type of pain really. I don't. It just hurts. I think i went to pee like...10 times, maybe. It was fun.

I'm still pretty much dizzy now. And tomorrow, i have to go to school. Yup, go to school because i missed a lot. Even the doctors are worried since they knew i have 'O'levels...which was weird. Yup, weird. I think that's all i can think of...all i know is that i wil never take my stomach lightly ever again since it's very painful...you people take care too, okay?

Total Bills: $800++

Gosh, my parents DO love me...

Something...yep, something...

2007-02-12T00:03:00.000-08:00

Yeah...i didn't go to school today =...=" got sick and was like...puking everywhere last night (well, not severe though) and yeah, i'm kinda well, dizzy right now.

Just bored and i noticed i did a lot of mistakes in everything!!!! Including the bonus song Renai Shashin (i'm not yet very familiar with it but i LOOOVE it!!) but i'm kinda okay now. I just listened to Cherish by Ai-chin and man, it's pretty!!!! I wish for her to make more songs like that!

And did you know Keep Tryin' 's PV is so pretty? I just knew now!!! LOOOOL and i call myself a Hikki fan!!! It's ultra funny and pretty!!! Love the colors and such...seeing Hikki in that PV makes me wanna say 'KEEP TRYIN'' loudly!!!!!!!! KEEP TRYIN' MIHARU! You can do it!!!!! Yes, you can!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

....I hope.

Sad I love you song? Maybe, i just wrote it:

ILY

A little girl was walking down the street
And her white dress was a mess
Little by little
I could see her crying face

I couldn't keep everything bottled up
I can't lie, i can't fake my emotions
That's why, if i make a mistake
I will run
Run faraway

I love you but i can't say
I'll keep it locked inside
I love you but i can't say
The more i keep, it hurts
I love you but i can't say
I guess i'll keep it to myself
Forever...forever...

I can't let go of this beautiful dress
So lovely that it hurts
I frame it somewhere
If both of us we're to meet again
I will tell you
"I'll love you forever..."

This thick forest of uncertainties
Grows thicker every time i remember you
When did i start doubting myself?
Maybe when i started loving you
So i think i should...

(If i should love you tell me i should)
(Keep this song playing forever)
(If i should love you tell me i should)
(Keep this song playing forever)

I love you but i can't say
I'll keep it locked inside
I love you but i can't say
The more i keep, it hurts
I love you but i can't say
I guess i'll keep it to myself
Forever...forever...

Forever...forever...
Even if it hurts
I'll keep loving you forever...

P.S: How was the bonus? Was it at least a bit scary?

Bonus for Reviewers!! (ONLY)

2007-02-10T00:51:00.000-08:00

Okay, since i'm too busy to like send the links to you people, download this please!

http://download.yousendit.com/419FAF7438329681

It expires in a week, so...download ASAP!!! It's a bonus and i call it as 'Mariya's Confession' well, sort of. In there will be three bonus songs (sung playfully by yours truly!). All the voice belongs to me!!!

In the zipped file:

-Mariya Confession
-Planetarium
-Chorus (for Fukurou)
-Renai Shashin (antam2 ja)

All in wma file. Size 7.94 MB.

Enjoy!

P.S: For those who did not review or doesn't have anything to do with this, DON'T download if not BERDOSA KAMU SEMUA!!!! In other words, you will be sinned for eternity!!!!

Love, love Kaeru-sama!!!

papercuts

2007-02-05T01:02:00.000-08:00

I just found some very good songs with good lyrics and yayness! I found the mp3s to Kagen no Tsuki (just took my faves) and i LOOOVE it! Plus, i'm now officially in love with OLIVIA (great voice + dark atmosphere of music = just the right amount of LOOVE! Just like my love for Tsukiko Amano). Man...how i wish i could play musical instruments...ah well. I got a random picture here of me being Mayu of Fatal Frame 2...well, not really. I kinda edited it, making it a bit well, less bad camera faulty...uh, wth?

Listen to OLIVIA's a little pain, HYDE's The Cape of Storms and Evergreen! They're very good!

All of them are pretty songs, i must say. The music is just wonderful!!!! Lovely, lovely, lovely! And yeah, tomorrow tests...but i kinda don't care....uh, well, i care but i don't care at the same time...uh, the right amount of care?

...whatever.

Ugh...did i mention i hate papercuts? I think everyone does...why must it be so painful??????????

ugh...i better eat this corn i'm holding first. Chow!!

It's Raining...

2007-02-02T05:16:00.000-08:00

It's cold everyday, not that i complain but i am complaining...it's too cold. It's always raining too...and in irony, sorta, i bought Rain's new album today (plus Dong Bang Shin Ki's Japanese album!!), and when i listened to it, it rained!!! And it was at the start of I'm Coming song too!! LOOOOOL...i'm listening to it now. Here's an overview of it: It's SEXY HOT.

I don't feel well...i feel sick and weak...maybe because of to much yummy little oranges yesterday...and today (i want MOOOOOORRREEE!!) and maybe because i started bleeding today (you know...) and when i was at a shopping place today, Yayasan, i was dizzy, SOOOO dizzy, and my feet was pale and i was walking holding to my sister. I'm still dizzy now...ugh, but i hafta come tomorrow, sadly.

Oh well, whatever. I'm just too dizzy and cold to write anything interesting...here's a poem on the weird yellow flower that always blooms at the same place, single:

A yellow flower
Blooms at the back of my house
It wilts
It blooms
It wilts
It blooms
At very random days
But it blooms at the same place
At where I saw it the first time
I shiver
But I took a bath anyways…
Hoping it’s not watching me
I shiver

S-so very C-COLD...

2007-01-28T23:15:00.000-08:00

It's so very cold today...is the sun shying away today? Yesterday was cold too but now, it was cold without even air-conditioners or fans...dammit, why is it when it's hot we want cold and when it's so damn cold, we want hot?!!! Urgh...well, it's SOOOOOO cold that i find it hard to even type. Urgh...feels as if someone or something is watching over me...

Well, nothing really fun happened today...yesterday was somehow nice. I think. I'll talk about yesterday then...it was Sunday right? Okay, Sunday morning... (kareshi datto ka, kanojo datto ka...) OKAY! Not the song! Not Nichiyo no Asa!!!! But btw, i love that song, it's from Utada Hikaru and it was written in reference to 2005's Christmas, it's VEEERRY cute and relaxing and magical (okay, i think i should review that album!).

Okay, on with yesterday's events. I woke up early but was too lazy to wake up so i waited until someone knocks on my door (this always happens, i just like pretending to be asleep) but then, i heard my mother talking about "...going to The Mall", i woke up instantly and told her i'm coming with her (i missed it the last time she went there) and jumped into the shower instantly. Scrubba-scrubba-scrubba. What did i sing in the shower yesterday morning? I think i sang Otsuka Ai's Renai Shashin and also Hikki's Flavor of Life. Once finished, it was the dreaded 'choose-what-to-wear' session and with my lack of new clothes...it was hard.

Well, as we were OTW, i fought with my sis in the car because i was wearing her headscarf, well, yeah, whatever. It wasn't pretty to me...and it made me look fat but i was rushing and she had to make a very BIG deal about it...bleagh. Whatever.

At The Mall, we went straight to the computer place at where my mom bought a new desktop (okay, frankly, i wasn't happy. We used nearly $10,000 just for January...urgh) and she actually also wanted to buy a black laptop (it must be BLACK) but we stopped her (she insisted though...i didn't really care but she didn't buy it :3) and i went on my cd shopping (bought one only though) and i wanted Ayumi's 'Secret' ORIGINAL album with the PVs!!!! ARGH! Me want!!!!

Anyway...okay, food. Misato's sushi and this...urgh, not so good (i dunno if it was my tongue but urgh) Chicken Teriyaki Don (bland) and this questionable miso soup...not so good. It gave me nightmares about food that cannot be eaten. my sis said it was supposed to be good but what the hell...i wasn't lucky. My personal fave is sushi and green tea ice-cream from Escapade's! Ah...::drool:: i want....

well, that was it. we went home, mom got a new desktop, we got new cd kosongs and i got a new cd that was not worth $5....it sucks in terms of quality. but i got a few new songs with it so :D!!!

Back with today...i finished my Chem last minute and i got at least some of it right (i suck at it, very much) and some maths....and Bio test (i'm SOOOO sorry i failed two of the other tests...urgh) and that English quiz....which was very testing my vocab...it was okay but i was confused with some.

man...i gotta finish my drawing of gay looking Kyo....LOOOOOOL. Ah, Moon, you're so pretty to be my drawing....and Kyo (if it IS you...), you make your own creator love you...oh no, that's just disgusting but you are HOOOOOOT....to me.

I read the story of Bonnie & Clyde yesterday and it actually made me feel sorry, weirdly. I wrote a story based on it:

Getaway

I never thought that fun
Could be felt without doing anything labeled as “fun”
Ever since I met you on that fateful day
Everything seems more joyous
And less complicated as I thought it would be

You never were the type to express through words
But by just being with you
Feels perfect in a way (so perfect actually)
That I sometimes question myself
For my loyalty, so
“Take me away, please”

Ride your bike on this highway
Oh, this is our getaway
I’ll follow you everywhere
“Where to?”
“Anywhere as long as I’m with you”
Let the wind blow our hair
As we follow your way
Please take us faraway

Without really saying the words
I could feel it in you
When your heart beats faster
“Take me away, faster, faster!”
Fast enough ‘til I can feel that the world revolves around us
Just the two of us, forever
Please, take us farther

I’ll hold your waist forever
If you’ll take me everywhere
Traveling with you is like heaven
And the longer the distance
The happier I’ll be

We were in our own little world
That’s why we missed the sign
Even as we fall, break
We can still smile…

Ride your bike on this highway
Oh, this is our getaway
I’ll follow you everywhere
“Where to?”
“Anywhere as long as I’m with you”
Let the wind blow our hair
As we follow your way
Please take us faraway

The road is now red
Red with our love
“I’ll follow you everywhere”
I held your hand and smile with you
As we lay side by side on this lovely road
And we say our prayers
“Don’t say goodbye”
“We’re always together”
Closed our eyes together
“Forever…”

I'll write my review on the next post...

Hotaru's - Love Me No More?

2007-01-27T05:53:00.000-08:00

"Ne...Mi-chan...how come you don't hug me to sleep anymore?"

"I dunno..."

"Don't you love me no more?" ::teary eyed::

::teary eyed:: "Of course i do....Hota-kun..."

"Then why? You found another, didn't you??!!!"

"Stop accusing me!!!" ::huggle:: "I love only you!!!"

"Then why...??" ::whiny-whiny::

::blush:: "It's coz you're big..."

"HEY!! Perv...i can't believe Mi-chan said that out loud..." ::blush::

::blush even redder:: "Urgh...perv..."

Kagen no Tsuki

2007-01-27T05:23:00.000-08:00

Review alert!!!!!

Both involves ghostly (supernatural to be exact) beings!!! (there will be another review tomorrow)

Here it goes! (I utterly suck at conveying things....sorry)

Kagen no Tsuki ::Last Quarter::

OMG...i didn't know HYDE was involved...LOL. Well, he is and man, he barely talks (he sings though). The characters are beautiful, especially Mizuki Mochizuki (I actually LOL-ed at her name). Kamijo Sayaka isn't that pretty sadly. Okay, on with the review!!! BTW, i did not watch from the beginning...oops.

The original manga was created by Ai Yazawa (yes, that NANA and Paradise Kiss creator), it's called Kagen no Tsuki. It starts with, according to the wiki of it that Mizuki broke-up with her boyfriend, Tomoki ( i think...LOL). She later meets this musician who introduces himself as Adam (HYDE!!! *squeal*). To cut the things short, i didn't watch that part.

Okay, let's jump to the parts i actually watched. Mizuki meets Hotaru and Hotaru decides to help her (btw, Mizuki forgot her name) and in the end, to avoid unecessary spoilers to Maj (who might want to watch this), Hotaru calls Mizuki, Eve, in contrast with Adam.

The story then continues on research on who Eve really is and they (Hotaru and her friend, Miura) decide that Eve might be Kamijo Sayaka.

(more jumping) Okay, at the near end, it made me cry. It was sad, the way Mizuki's sadness was potrayed was so sad. I kinda cried (without the tears). Oh, and btw, HYDE DID talk, in English too, but man, i thought it was a French man talking!!! His accent is WEIRD!!

He sang a song called The Cape of Storms for this movie and it fits it nicely (i think the song is called Last Quarter in this story, or maybe it's the album) and the whole movie had this beautiful soundtrack i call Last Quarter. It's VERRY pretty.

The ending was nice, and funny in a way. Very unexpected...but better than any other movies, believe me, Japanese movies rarely have a good and satisfying ending...

Okay, that concludes it!!!

Rating: 7.5/10 (if i watched the whole movie, it might increase)

Oh...oolalala...

2007-01-27T04:57:00.000-08:00

LOOOOOOL...i lost my password and i forgot to activate my Google account...LOL. Ah well, i'm in now...which took...about...an hour? LOL. Oh...i'm quite busy now, writing my new original story, not a fanfiction at all. I was kinda inspired by Kagen no Tsuki (got teary-eyed in the end but definitely made it into a fave!) and my own story is called Saigo no Tsuki (Last Moon).

I would talk about it but at the same time, i don't want the idea stolen by others...never. Well, i will once i finish a few chapters maybe. I'm quite busy with writing my other stories...fanfics to be exact. I've got 6 new fanfics and almost 5 of them are hard to write (lucky me, sarcasm intended).

Well, i'm gonna talk about school today, a day at school (HELL btw):

First Lesson: Physics

Um...ah, not my fave subject, i dunno...it makes me sleepy (i think i dozed off once, i think), it's not the teacher too...it's the subject. SUBJECT. Something about it makes me sleepy. I was absent on Thursday so i had to do all THREE practicals (did 2, the 3rd one will have to wait or i'll just cheat). I was sleepy during the oscillation but i was surprised by the ruler dropping on the floor (i was literally closing my eyes, counting). "What the hell" yes, the 'hell' part was small...there was a teacher for my sake! Dx! In the end, we were given homework which i answered with a 'WTH?!', i DON'T understand at all.

Second Lesson: English

Ah, comes the less stressful subject (just for today), Ms A gave us just a worksheet so we were lucky, i managed to finish it but there's still much to do...ah well, i'm gonna do it tomorrow LOL. Maybe.

Third Lesson: E.Lit

....okay, today the subject was a breeze. Sort of. Kinda liked it. We were talking about a short story (which is CONFUSING) called Samphire by James O'Brian (I think). It was definitely not my cup of tea, i kinda don't understand most of the stories we read...SHH! Don't tell Mr M! I don't wanna die!!

Fourth Lesson: Chemistry

FCK. Sorry, but yeah, fck. I had to like...since i missed the practical on Thursday...well, join other classes to do it. My friend told me that it was supposed to be the teacher arranging the practical but Sir M insisted i do the hunting myself (which was FUN btw, sarcasm added). I decided to join Lylah's class...on Thurs :3 YAY! Ugh...we have homework. Do we have to have parents' signature too?

Last Lesson: Maths

Blargh...okay, i have a LOOOOOT of work and here's the thing: NEVER EVER PILE UP YOUR WORK AND LOSE YOUR EXERCISE BOOK...YOU'LL DIE I TELL YOU i0i!!!!! Man, i have to do it tomorrow...which will take the whole day...and also Chem...aih...DAMMIT!!!!!

GO TO HELL! BAN HOMEWORK! I DON'T FCKING CARE ABOUT THE CRAP WE DID ABOUT NOT BANNING THEM BUT WE NEED TO BAN HOMEWORK ASAP!!!!!!!!

oh...chicken shit.

Ugh...the fungi thing...i'm dead scared but my bro doesn't seem to have any side-effects...maybe it's just my mentality...who knows?

Oh yeah, my big bro fell from a cliff (oxymoron, maybe) and he sprained his left leg, aww....oh well, he still lives which is GREAT!!!!

Flutter By...Butterfly?

2007-01-26T02:42:00.000-08:00

Hm...i just noticed today that Flutter By is actually Butterfly LOOOOOL. Well, i was like...singing in my room 'Flutter By, Flutter By, My Lil Butterfly...O.o' and then it hit me. LOOOL! Flutter By = Butterfly...well, it's not new i guess.

Randomness is fun...very fun, actually.

Ah, well...i gotta go in a bit. While i'm at it...here's one of my random things:

A Goodbye and Thankyou

Sayonara, sayonara
My room had a faint you in it
Was it just me or do I just miss you dearly?
I guess, to move on, I had to throw some things away
I just got to say ‘goodbye’ to you

On days such as today
I can only hope for you to come
Because I can’t believe that you’d die just like that
I’m not that stupid
You don’t die easily

“There’s no goodbye”
I want to go to you
The start of our tragedy…
I just want to say ‘thank you’ to you
Will you be there tomorrow?

Arigato, arigato
All the things you give me, I’ll cherish it
Close to my heart
Just like the way you were
I just got to say ‘thank you’ to you

I will say goodbye and thank you
When you come to me
We were lovers that are friends
I just have to say those words
Forgive me

Sayonara, sayonara
My room had a faint you in it
Was it just me or do I just miss you dearly?
I guess, to move on, I had to throw some things away
I just got to say ‘goodbye’ to you

Friends or lovers
I still care for you
Even if you can’t believe me

Arigato, arigato
All the things you give me, I’ll cherish it
Close to my heart
Just like the way you were
I just got to say ‘thank you’ to you

Sayonara, sayonara
I want to tell you
Arigato, arigato
You mean a lot to me

^would be made as a song (in Japanese) maybe, it's for my SDK fanfic, Curse of The Fading Tears (will give my link to there one day)

Hm...another blog...

2007-01-26T01:46:00.000-08:00

I kinda bet...it won't get as much attention from me like my Xanga LOL. Well, i'll try to post as much as possible...but i bet that won't happen a lot. I'll turn this thing as a...um, well, a place to talk about my fanfictions and my darling hubby, Hotaru the Frogdoll and also songs...random songs...kinda like a review of sorts. Whatever.

I may also talk about school...stressful, very much stressful, yes. My blood...aiyaiyai...i think it's getting low...LOL. I think i should go visit the doc...yup, but i HATE them...too much bad things...bad experiences...whatever...

...ugh...what's those fungi that grow on cocoa powder? I kinda used it today in my coffee, experimentation thing...yes...are they dangerous? Are they? Are they? Am I going to die? Help me?

....I'm scared, i think.

Well, i think that's all for now...oh wait, i think i'll review one song.

Utada Hikaru - Flavor of Life -Ballad Version-

The first time i heard it, i kinda felt this magical rush of happiness + sadness in me. The song is sad, quite sad if you read the translations but at the same time, it's happy...the lyrics are so good to me. It's pure Hikki!! Pure Hikki Magic!

For the song itself, i'll say...the music, the guitar, the chamber orchestra used plus her magnificent wavering voice (some say *wink*) gives this...deep impression although some say it's kinda...too out there already but i won't comment on that. It's a beautiful puzzle with a missing piece but i won't comment on that. It's better than Planetarium IMO, it reflects HYD2 (the drama using this song) very well, the music and all. It's very dramatic.

I kinda hate her wailing-y yeah and uhuh...i can't copy that well. I suck at such adlibbing. I can pretty well sing the song though :3. The low part HURTS though.

Rating: As a ballad, it's beautiful. 4/5, Hikki-wise *wink*